The Terrible 20s
Lately, I’ve found myself getting sucked into this mindset that my friend called “the terrible 20’s,” which we are defining as a period of uncertainty and general questioning that comes with graduating college and simply just being in your twenties. You’re an adult, but like a baby adult. An adult in training, but there aren’t really any good training manuals out there so you kind of have to wing it. Obviously, you’ve spent the better half of the last two decades learning how to make decisions and think for yourself, but when it comes down to making these big, heavy choices by yourself (and mostly for yourself) it can be really difficult to know which ones are going to be “right” and which ones might be “wrong.” I use quotes here because I don’t think all decisions you’re going to be faced with are so black and white. There are going to be decisions that you make during this period of time that maybe don’t feel 100% right, but also aren’t entirely wrong — there are lots of situations where there is a gray zone.
It’s very much a “learn as you go” experience, you have to weed through and rediscover what feels fulfilling. Is your job fulfilling? Yes? Okay, well then that’s one “good” decision you made along the way. If your job’s not checking the boxes for you, you have to go back to square one and begin the dreaded job search again — at least now you know what you don’t want, but that doesn’t always narrow things down as much as it seems like it would. Well, then comes the question of, do you need to move for this job or can you do it from home? Do you want to work from home? Or would you rather roll the dice and move to a new city where you might not know anybody? It’s question after question, and for every question you do manage to answer, there are three more coming around the corner that don’t have straight-forward answers.
No, you don’t have to have everything figured out in your twenties, and as I am frequently reminded, nobody is expecting you to. But, in my own personal experience, it’s difficult to sit and simmer in this phase of uncertainty. There are so many things that I want to do, places I want to live and visit, and experiences that I want to have, but I have no idea where to start. What’s the first step? One of the big things I’m struggling with right now is wanting to move out of Virginia. I have wanted to leave Virginia since I was in high school…or maybe even middle school. Not that there’s anything wrong per-say with living in Virginia, it can be great there’s lots to do in certain areas, and there’s no saying that I won’t come back to Virginia, but right now there are other lifestyles I want to live elsewhere. Over the years I have had a lot of different ideas of where I wanted to end up, but when it comes down to it, almost all of my friends live in Virginia. Do I take the risk of moving to a new city where I don’t know anybody and hoping that I can make new friends? Sure, there are some cities where that’s easier to do than others. I think moving to a place like Boston would yield itself more promising in terms of finding a young, fun group of friends than say…Wyoming (no hate to Wyoming).
So if you (or in this case, me) do finally decide where you want to take your leap of faith to, then begin the house hunt. Just the thought of looking for a new place to live gives me a headache…so we won’t get into that.
And those are only the big, crazy decisions. Everyday you are faced with dozens of little tiny decisions. Do you want to go out with your friends tonight? Should you go out with that guy that’s been texting you? Are you going to make it to the gym? Do you want to pull the trigger on those concert tickets or plane tickets and suffer through until your next paycheck, because god only knows how people are affording to spend their 20’s traveling and sitting front row at Harry Styles concerts. Everything comes with a cost — both literally and figuratively.
Now, at the end of the day, I understand that this is all part of the “beauty” of life and I am eternally grateful that I have the opportunities and privileges I have. The reason I’m writing this is to stress the idea that when you look around at all these fresh post-grads on social media, making it look like they have their lives all together, chances are they don’t. I know that I certainly don’t, and I think it’s fair to say that a lot of my friends are also experiencing these same feelings and conflicts of interest to varying degrees. Some people are able to enjoy the present more easily, which is something I’ve been trying to do more of.
It’s so easy to get sucked into this mindset, where you feel lost and confused, and let it overcome you. But, as long as you’re doing your best everyday, there’s not much more anybody can ask from you. One of the things that I have been actively trying to tell myself everyday is actually a quote that I had on the homepage of this website for a little while, that says, “Enjoy the space between where you are now and where you are going.” The future can be really daunting, but I don’t think it has to be.
There’s a whole world out there waiting to be explored, but when you’re in your twenties, there isn’t a map. Directions, routes, and paths…even shortcuts…come with time, and with trial and error. Maybe by the time I’m in my thirties I’ll at least have the MapQuest version.