1 Year Post-Grad: I Still Don’t Know What I’m Doing!
Welcome back and Happy Grad Season! Sorry to keep you all waiting on a new blog post, but after a short break, I have some new material for you.
I graduated college one year ago! [Which is crazy, don’t even get me started on the passage of time, because truthfully in my head it was just New Years Eve and I’m having a hard time processing the fact that it’s actually about to be summer.] Time moves so quickly, especially when your days are rather monotonous. Last spring, there was nothing I was more excited for than to leave Norfolk, get my own apartment, and start working in “the real world,” which I’ve come to realize means a different thing to everyone. There are lots of different versions of “the real world” that you can live in — some might be more similar to yours than others — so try and be respectful of what other people are dealing with. Now before we get into the good stuff, I want everyone who told me that I would miss college or I wouldn’t like living alone to take a deep breath. You get 30 seconds to revel in the fact that you were right — at least partially — and then we are going to move on.
For as stubborn as I can be, I will be the first to admit when I’m wrong and there are some (nay, many) things that I have been wrong about in the past year. Throughout the first twenty years of my life I was praised for being well beyond my years in maturity. It had been ingrained into part of my personal identity since I was in middle school. Teachers, relatives, cashiers at the grocery store, my parents co-workers, everyone said it…it was the number one compliment that I received. I thought out my decisions thoroughly and I was adamantly against breaking the rules. I stuck to the book, I didn’t venture out of line, and I did what was told and expected of me. I read a lot, like a lot, of books that taught me different ways to deal with different and troubling situations. And all in all, I felt like I had been an adult for years and years before I graduated.
Truth be told, I was content with that. It was who I was and how I saw myself. I thought that it put me miles ahead of some of my peers, that it would be easy to transition from college to adulthood because I felt like it was a journey I had already taken.
But ultimately, I wasn’t any more ready for this “real world” stuff than any of my peers and I was in no way ready for the tough love the world was about to give me. We always make jokes that school doesn’t prepare you for adult things like doing your taxes or buying a house, but arguably, there’s not much that you can learn in a textbook or from a whiteboard about adulthood. I’ve talked about this before, but the only way that you can learn the big, tough, frustrating things is by messing up and making mistakes. Everyone is going to make mistakes — especially in their twenties. They spend twelve years, sometimes more if you decide to go the college route, trying their best to suit us up and get us prepared to venture out into the real world. And then we get out there and technically we are doing it but 99% of the time it’s just a bunch of twenty-somethings wandering around with blindfolds on, tripping over ourselves and each other, and then trying to pull ourselves back up. (Make sure you surround yourself with people who are there to help you pull yourself back up when you need them).
That was a lesson I learned very, very quickly in the months after graduating college. The more difficult lesson that I had to learn is that, it’s okay. Honestly, I feel like I have spent the past year beating myself up over everything. Moved into an apartment that’s too expensive and realized it can be very lonely…my fault. Worked two jobs and got too burnt out and my mental health spiraled…should’ve known better. Never make the time to write on my blog…gotta do better.
I could go on, but I think you get the point. Now, while all these things were my decisions to make and hence, technically are my fault, I didn’t know any better. I was putting so much pressure on myself to get everything right on the first try. While I thought I was right choice at the time, sometimes you’ll realize it wasn’t the right choice overall. Everything is clearer in hindsight. The more important thing is continuing to move forward, not dwelling on things that you could’ve done differently. You have to accept that you aren’t going to get everything right on the first try. You won’t move forward if you sit around beating yourself up over things that are behind you.
I’ve been seeing a lot of people on social media talk about how brutal and challenging the first year of post-grad is, and I think that it’s important to normalize the fact most people will struggle for a little while. I think that one of the keys to struggling less is just remembering to give yourself grace. Understand that you might get lost along the way sometimes, but that just means you have to retrace your steps and figure out how to get back onto the path that you want to be on. Your mindset plays just as important of a role as your choices and your actions do. If you let a negative mindset dominate your days, then you’re going to act in ways that reflect those thoughts. That’s not to say that everyday has to be all sunshine and smiles (New Girl reference there if you’re well-cultured), but it’s important to step back from negative thoughts and take time to be grateful for even the smallest hints of positivity.
That feels like enough of the deep stuff for now, so here’s a little rapid fire list of 10 easy things I learned this year.
Cooking is really hard, like, really hard. Ingredients are expensive and coming up with new meal ideas is terrible, even if you use Pinterest.
If at all possible, avoid dropping wine on a customer during your first shift at a new restaurant, chances are they won’t fire you, but you will think about it every day for the rest of your life. And if you do, at least pray that it’s white wine.
Don’t buy skinny jeans — like ever again. You won’t wear them and nobody wants to buy them off you.
You can go do stuff on the weekdays after work! Don’t limit yourself to only having fun on the weekends. Jenna Palek has a great podcast and social media presence about this.
Alcohol is like a shady friend, it will stab you in the back if you let it.
Being a cat parent is a lot easier and cheaper than being a dog parent, if you can tolerate them.
Home decor is something you acquire over time, you don’t have to have it all the day you move in.
You are not going to meet the love of your life on Hinge or Bumble and especially not on Tinder.
You can go out to dinner alone. You can go to the movies alone. You don’t need to have someone to go with to do fun things.
Make sure you leave the house at least once a day — especially if you work from home.
Remember to cut yourself some slack! Kylie Jenner said it best when she said, “I’m like…realizing things.” I wish you the best of luck in your “real world” adventures — whatever they may look like!