Finding & Defining Perspective

Hi, again! I think it’s about time I finally reappeared to check in with you all, but things have been crazy. Arguably, it’s been mostly crazy good with only a little bit of not-so-good crazy.

But, before we jump right into the bulk of this blog post, I wanted to take a minute to extend a genuine thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this blog. I never anticipated reaching and helping so many people, and I’m so grateful to know that there are people out there who find comfort and support on this page. Hearing from friends and friends of friends and even friends of friends of friends that they click on the links I share and engage with this content is incredible and a real dream come true for me. Ultimately, that’s the reason why I created this page and why I continue it. So thank you! Now, onto the topic of the day.

Over the past year or so, I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on “perspective” and trying to really understand what it means to find some. This is a topic that I have wanted to write about for awhile, but it can be hard to put such abstract concepts into words, especially when you’re still trying to navigate your understanding of them. I think finding perspective will look different to different people, especially if you consider yourself to be religious or if you believe in some sort of higher power. For me, perspective is how I remind myself that the gravity of a given situation is most likely smaller than it may feel. Ultimately, this world is so large and unpredictable, things are always going to be changing in the blink of an eye, and so more times than not, the little bumps in the road are never as catastrophic as they seem.

But, that’s not to say that they can’t feel catastrophic, because they can. When you’re not in the best mindset, even if you’re just having a bad day, the gravity of a given situation can feel extreme — like it truly is the end of the world. This is where one's definition of perspective has to come in. Taking a step back and maybe a deep breath, thinking about the size of the world around you and your impact in it. Realizing that even though things might not feel okay right this second, they might feel a little easier tomorrow.

I used to get really sucked into the minor things that were going “wrong” for me, and trust me, there are moments when I still do. However, I realized that by doing this, I was seriously neglecting to be grateful for the things that were going right. I was ignoring the great things that were happening, to focus on trying to make everything great all the time.

Of course, like most life lessons, this is not one that you’ll be able to pick up overnight. It’s something that you integrate into your days over time and hopefully, it will come a little bit more naturally with practice. Truthfully, everyday I actively remind myself to think about the big picture and try to avoid getting pulled into the smaller things. For me, the idea and understanding of gaining (or regaining) perspective is a life lesson that’s very heavily intertwined with my journey to relinquish control over things that are out of my control.

I think I’ve talked about it on this page before (I talk a lot, it’s hard to keep everything straight sometimes), but so often we get wrapped up in this “idea” of how our lives should look. There are lots of causation statements that we slip into when we are planning for the future. If we do x then y is going to happen. But unfortunately for all my math and science people out there, I would argue that more times than not, life doesn’t abide by those rules or follow those formulas.

The truth is, you can have the best laid plans, you can have step-by-step instructions for yourself to reach a goal, but you can’t control what life is going to throw at you throughout that process. If you asked me a few years ago when I first got to college what I thought my life would look like post-grad, I would never have come up with my current situation. It’s not what I expected, but that’s not to say that it hasn’t been so incredibly valuable to the process of learning who I am and teaching me how to relinquish control.

Things change shape a lot in life. Sometimes you are an active part in contributing to that change, but sometimes things change for you without your input. When you focus on what you can’t control, it’s easy to feel stuck in one place, because you don’t know exactly what’s ahead of you. But ultimately, you have to keep taking steps forward even if you can’t see the entire path. Learning to adapt to the things that are sent to send you off trail is what is going to be the most detrimental part of your success.

Truth be told, I think that my quality of life improved tremendously when I stopped trying to control every aspect of the future. Looking at what’s to come as a check-list of things that I needed to do in order to be happy, or trying to predict what my life would look like in six months was getting in the way of me enjoying the moment that I’m living in right now. It also meant that I struggled to embrace the unexpected things that came into my life. Just because something is unexpected, doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily negative. When you are in the right mindset, you can see that a lot of these out-of-the-blue situations can often be blessings in disguise.

But let me clarify that it’s not to say that I don’t believe in setting goals or making some plans, because I definitely do. I think it’s always important to have something to work towards, whether that be a promotion, or a vacation, or a smaller, more personal goal. You get to decide what those are, I’m not going to try and make them up here for you. But what’s more important is realizing that if you don’t reach those goals, that it is okay. Maybe it wasn’t the right path for you. Maybe you just needed a little more time. You have to take every day and its challenges (or victories) as they come.

I’ve become a firm believer in the idea that what’s meant for you will find its way to you in the right time. You can’t rush your future and you can’t predict it, you just have to embrace everything as it comes and navigate it the best you can. Some waves are going to be bigger than others, but as long as you don’t stop swimming, you’ll be able to stay afloat.

XO, Carly